29 agosto 2005

PUBLICIDAD LOCUELA.

Estos publicistas cocainómanos cada vez me sorprenden más. No sé a ustedes, querida audiencia, pero a mi me tienen soliviantada. A continuación expondré algunas de las campañas que más me han hecho hablar con la TV, afición que comparto con todos los abuelos de España. Aviso: puede que alguna de las campañas no esté actualmente en pantalla, pero es que cuando aparecen los anuncios en los pocos ratos de tele que veo, aprovecho para ir al WC o achuchar a mi pareja, tal como recomienda Gasset Dubois. Veamos:

CAMPAÑA ESCUELA DE LIGUE AXE:

Qué os voy a decir. Los anuncios de esta gente normalmente me hacen vomitar, pero aclaro que no es porque sea yo muy feminista (que suelo serlo), sino porque el desodorante huele fatal y te venden una moto, querido gañán, que no existe. Porque con Axe no vas a seducir a una tía con una peluca de Harpo Marx y escote hasta el pubis, sino que probablemente lo más que consigas es atufar a una vieja en el ascensor. Ten en cuenta que si a una mujer se le irritan los ojos de todo el pestazo a desodorante no va a ver lo guapísimo que eres. Que al final es por lo que le vas a gustar.


Axe + comprarse la FHM= así no pillas cacho.

Por supuesto, se trata de una campaña argentina.


CAMPAÑA RUBIAS CONTRA MORENAS TIMOTEI:

Si la anterior es pestosa, esta lo es más. De Axe ya nos lo esperábamos, pero…¿del cursi Timotei? Y estos anuncios son deleznables por dos razones:

-Para ellos no existimos las castañas y las pelirrojas, y si me apuras, las canosas. Y quizás queramos participar en la guerra. Quién sabe.
-Promueve uno prototipo de mujer que conviene a muchas mujeres: la GILIPOLLAS. Rubia o morena, quien gaste un minuto de su tiempo mandando sms o lo que sea a Timotei poniendo verde a la rubia tonta o a la sosa y peluda morena, lo es. Aunque haya premios.

Un poco de barro por medio y todo será mejor.

Para que la cosa sea más excitante, voy a proponer algo para los señores Timotei, de Timotei and Co. Y miren, que si me plagian, no me importa. Así de generosas somos las castañas. Se trata de una competición “Selva Negra” vs “Ingles brasileñas”.La idea no es mostrar los parruses, si no quieren, pero sí a chicas diciendo:

Depilada: “Sé de alguna que nos llama guarras, pero que tiene una tribu de yanomamis viviendo en el Monte de Venus. Eso no es limpieza.”
Mujer agreste: “Se depilan el horcate para tatuarse trolls de la suerte y aprovechar para ir mostrando el pubis. Son unas cerdas, a mi me va lo natural”.

Ahí ya sí que tendríamos un verdadero debate de interés social. Y los hombres podrían participar, que los hay partidarios de ambas corrientes.


CAMPAÑA DE NIÑOS PERVERSOS DE CALVÉ.

Probablemente, una de las campañas más alucinantes que han salido de las mentes de los creativos argentinos. Brillantes, sí, pero no me digáis que a veces no se pasan. Pues bien, esta vez se han pasado. A mi al menos me han provocado que se me desencaje la mandíbula viendo el spot. Si no lo habéis visto, os lo cuento: se trata de unos niños (siempre varones) que al comprobar que sus madres les han puesto mahonesa Calvé para que se coman los palitos de merluza, les obsequian con ardientes declaraciones de amor y deseo, como la escalofriante ME ENCANTÁS. Yo en los ojos de ese niño veo lujuria, veo guarrería, veo incesto, veo a Edipo. Todo esto amenizado por una canción de Vicentico, que habla de que no te has dado cuenta de lo mucho que me gustaría comerte la boca o no sé que movidas. Los pelos como escarpias.

Los argentinos, muy aficionados a psicoanalizarse y psicoanalizar, han rescatado al espíritu de Freud con el fin de publicitar una salsa. No me digáis que no es la caña, vamos. Encima, sacan a la luz el tabú del incesto, el complejo de Edipo, lo más primario. ¡Ole sus huevos!


O es que yo tengo la mirada sucia, que también puede ser.

Bueno, darlings, ya os dejo de contar mis cosas que a nadie importan, y os animo a que contéis las campañas publicitarias que más os han impactado. Y si usáis Axe y me queréis insultar, pues también. Pero que conste que os he avisado de que sus anuncios son mentira.

La semana que viene o cuando me salga de ahí volveré con un tema candente: INMIGRACIÓN Y MODA: el estilo de cada nacionalidad. ¡Un beso, muñecos!

Etiquetas:

227 Cosas al respecto:

At 29 agosto, 2005 14:15, Blogger Joker dijo...

Impaciente ando a que llegue la proxima semana para el siguiente articulo.

"Que conste que os he avisado que los anuncios de axe son mentira" XD. Es que para soltar cosas asi hay que valer.

 
At 29 agosto, 2005 14:23, Blogger Charmanderlain dijo...

BUENÍIISIMO, jajajaja!!! Teniendo en cuenta que lo único que suelo ver de la tv son los anuncios, tras este sangriento análisis puedo anunciar que me paso a admirar los programas de la lavadora. Diommío, qué rabia me están dando los publicistas ahora mismo!!! xDDD
Como se suele decir...gran articuloide!

 
At 29 agosto, 2005 15:36, Anonymous pennywise dijo...

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At 29 agosto, 2005 17:43, Blogger J Calduch dijo...

Lo que pasa es que estamos no tanto en época de anucios como de cosas anunciadas. Me refiero, claro, a los fascículos. El otro día eneseñé a un amigo a mirar fijo a la parte baja de la tele mientras hacen el anuncio para ver fugazmente el número de entregas y precio de los coleccionables pasada la oferta de la primera entrega. Hasta que no lo vió no podía creer cosas como 90 o 120 entregas semanales para montar un coche de radiocontrol o el Juan Sebastán Elcano. La sorpresa de la temporada, para mi, la casa de muñecas andaluza. En cuanto a lo provechoso de comprar una primera entrega, dos novelas de Agatha Christie por 1.95 euros.

Ya sé que el posteo no iba de esto, pero en esta vida hay pocas cosas justas.

 
At 29 agosto, 2005 19:06, Blogger Ñbrevu dijo...

¿Y la familia Bold? Si eres feminista, ése te debió joder un rato... Sé lista, compra Bold.

 
At 29 agosto, 2005 19:10, Blogger Sophia Petrillo dijo...

Pues muchas gracias a todos por vuestros comentarios!!

Lo de los fascículos es otro temazo, yo creo qu en septiembre no pongo la tv por eso.

Ñbrevu, pues no me fijé en lo de Ay Bold, porque la cuestión es que la chica que lo protagonizaba era conocida mía. Así que con esa ridiculez me he quedado!

Y no, no soy especialmente feminista.

 
At 30 agosto, 2005 02:08, Blogger Kurt_Rambis dijo...

Pero es que el AXE huele como el puto culo, eso lo sabe cualquiera.

Y cuando hablabáis del de Calvé creía que os referías a uno de Ligeresa o alguna pollez de esas en el que una tía ( que está que te cagas ) se anda mirando preocupada el michelín y el culo, diciendo: "Pablo me dice que tengo el culo gordo". In-so-por-ta-ble.

Y además las dos pedorras sueltan un "¿Y quien diablos es Pablo?" al final que a mi es que termina de ponerme pone enfermo.

Cuando hagas lo de las nacionalidades, no olvides EL LOOK BORROKOP, que tanto daño ha hecho a esta tierra. Qué espanto, joder.

 
At 30 agosto, 2005 12:29, Blogger Sophia Petrillo dijo...

Huy, Kurt, es que yo del borrokismo sé muy poco. Sé los jerséis a rayas, esos peinados, esas mallas...Quería centrarme en los que veo en el metro, que son ecuatorianos, rumanos, magrebíes, subsaharianos, pakistaníes,y en cómo están revolucionando la estética nacional.

Un beso!!

 
At 01 septiembre, 2005 11:18, Blogger Afrodito_A dijo...

El mejor articulo del mundo! Además te puede dar para hacer distintas partes de aquí al infinito.

Mientras escribo esto ya estamos en septiembre, por lo que estoy pensando en hacer una cole de fasciculos, por ejemplo el de coches que tuvo Carlos Seinz, empezando por el 127 que le regaló su padre, Carlos Seinz Sr.

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estelar analisis del anuncio de AXE, notable que para distraer a un hombre pongan un partido de futbol, un coche y 2 chicas bailando. podian poner a Punset.

alguien debería hablar de esas cuñas publicitarias del propio canal, sobre todo esas de Antena3, que son aterradoras. estás tan tranquilo viendo aquí no hay quien viva y ves de repente como una camara empieza a girar en orbita al pandero de maria teresa campos rodeada de logotipos de la cadena.

 
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